I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
