so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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