He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
