I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
it glows. i had to have it.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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