I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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