I just pynch a tree in the face
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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