I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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