Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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