i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
me + whiskey = a bad person
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
