Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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