Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
