I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
