does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
