I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize