I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
