My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Randomize
