your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
