and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
