the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
