I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
