I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
