My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
