my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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