my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
