And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It's shark week go big or go home
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize