worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
