Can i not drive my cunt home
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
