there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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