Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
