if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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