Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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