bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
