i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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