she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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