You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
