i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
