Pappa wants mamma naked
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
