hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
