I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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