just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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