hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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