Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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