She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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