I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
