does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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