The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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