she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
