I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
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