I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
