i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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