Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
People in love make me want to vomit
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
