Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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