Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
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i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
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I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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