Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
