There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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