trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
