you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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