I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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