I'm really into asian looking animals
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I think my moral compass just broke
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
