Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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