Your tits are I can't wait for
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
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