some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
