nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
