needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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