Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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