I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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