Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
