His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
